Former Drag Queen Finds New Life in Jesus

MY NAME IS CALVIN (TRACE) MCNUTT AND THIS IS MY STORY …

I WAS BORN IN 1963 TO A CATHOLIC FAMILY AND WAS RAISED CATHOLIC …IT SEEMS LIKE I’VE ALWAYS HAD SOME KIND OF CONNECTION WITH THE LORD. …AS A SMALL BOY ABOUT 5 YEARS OLD, I WOULD SEE THE CLASSIC MOVIE “KING OF KINGS” AND I WOULD CRY AND CRY OVER THE CRUCIFIXION SCENE NOT REALLY KNOWING WHY ..YET IT AFFECTED ME GREATLY…AS I GREW OLDER I WAS MOVED TO FLORIDA AT THE AGE OF 9 FROM MICHIGAN WHERE I WAS BORN…I STARTED TO EXPERIENCE REJECTION AT THAT POINT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL …FOR SOME REASON I WAS NOT ACCEPTED BY OTHER BOYS MY AGE …THERE WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT ME THAT THEY NOTICED…IT WAS THEN I WAS FIRST CALLED A “FAG”…AT THAT EARLY OF AN AGE WE HAVE NO SEXUAL IDENTITY YET …BUT THE OTHER BOYS NEW SOMETHING WAS ODD…THIS STARTED A TORTURE FILLED CHILDHOOD OF REJECTION AND ABUSE…I WAS CONSTANTLY BEATEN AND HUMILIATED BY OTHER BOYS …I HAD NO FRIENDS WHAT SO EVER FROM THE AGE OF 9 TO ABOUT 16.

DURING THIS TIME OF NO FRIENDS …ROCK STARS BECAME MY BEST FRIENDS ..I WAS OBSESSED WITH THE ROCK GROUP “KISS”..THEY BECAME THE FRIENDS I DIDN’T HAVE AND I DREAMED OF BEING A ROCK STAR SOMEDAY… BUT I WAS ALONE …IT HAD GOTTEN SO BAD I HAD TO BE ESCORTED TO AND FROM THE BUS STOPS SO I WOULDN’T BE ATTACKED …ONE INSTANCE IN MY FRESHMEN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL DURING GYM CLASS THE OTHER BOYS URINATED ON MY SCHOOL CLOTHS WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWERS AND WHEN I CAME BACK TO PUT MY CLOTHS ON THEY HELD ME DOWN AND FORCED ME TO WEAR THE URINE SOAKED CLOTHING …I HAD TO THEN WALK TO THE OFFICE TO HAVE MY MOTHER CALLED TO COME GET ME AND BRING CLEAN CLOTHS….THINGS GOT WORSE UNTIL MY SENIOR YEAR WHEN I GOT INVOLVED IN THE DRAMA CLUB AND MADE SOME FRIENDS…BY NOW I HAD REALIZED THAT I WAS FINDING MYSELF SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO OTHER BOYS …THE VERY ONES WHO REJECTED ME…AT THIS SAME TIME MY LIFE AT HOME WAS ROUGH ALSO ..I HAD A VERY DOMINANT ABUSIVE MOTHER AND A VERY TIMID SUBMISSIVE FATHER…THEY ALSO REFERRED TO ME AS A SISSY ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS…I LOST MY VIRGINITY AT THE AGE OF 16 IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM…MY DESIRE FOR MEN STARTED TO GROW…AT THE AGE OF 18, I “CAME OUT”…I TOLD EVERYONE ONE I WAS GAY…

ALL THE FRIENDS I HAD MADE NOW REJECTED ME ..THEY WROTE THE WORD FAG IN GASOLINE IN THE ROAD OUTSIDE MY PARENTS HOME AND LIT IT ON FIRE …I PLUNGED MYSELF INTO THE GAY WORLD THEN AND WAS ACCEPTED BY OTHER PEOPLE WHO WERE LIKE ME…IT WAS A FREEDOM LIKE I HAD NEVER FELT…THE NEXT SEVERAL YEARS I WAS DEEP IN THE GAY LIFESTYLE…TILL ONE DAY AT WORK, A GIRL STARTED TALKING ABOUT JESUS TO ME …SHE WITNESSED TO ME IN LOVE AND COMPASSION EVERYDAY …SHE KNEW I WAS GAY AND LOVED ROCK MUSIC SO SHE INVITED ME TO A SERIES OF SERMONS ON THE MESSAGES OF ROCK MUSIC AND HOW UNGODLY IT WAS …THIS ANGERED ME BUT I WENT BECAUSE I LOVED HER VERY MUCH …IT WAS A 3 NIGHT EVENT…THE FIRST NIGHT I SAT WITH MY ARMS FOLDED …REFUSING TO LISTEN …THE SAME ON THE SECOND NIGHT…THEN ON THE LAST NIGHT SOMETHING HAPPENED …IT WAS AS IF A FOG HAD LIFTED …AND I COULD SEE AND HEAR TRUTH FOR THE FIRST TIME..LIKE THE BLINDERS WERE OFF…I STARTED TO WEEP AND SHAKE UNCONTROLLABLY…AT THE ALTAR CALL, I RAN TO THE FRONT AND ACCEPTED CHRIST INTO MY HEART…I SAW HIM IN MY MIND ON TOP OF A FLOWER COVERED HILL WITH HIS ARMS OUT STRETCHED TO ME ..SMILING AND CALLING MY NAME AS I RAN TO HIM …I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY…MY LIFE CHANGED THAT DAY OF DECEMBER 4TH 1984..I WAS SAVED…EVERYTHING ABOUT ME CHANGED, MY FRIENDS …MY DESIRES..EVERYTHING …I GOT INVOLVED IN A CHRISTIAN ROCK BAND THAT I WAS THE SINGER FOR, CALLED “ARCHANGEL”..THEN ANOTHER BAND “SONIC ANGEL”…BUT MY SEXUALITY WAS STILL THERE ALTHOUGH I WAS TRYING TO CONTROL IT.

DURING A COUNSELING SESSION WITH A PASTOR ONE DAY, HE MADE A SEXUAL PASS AT ME..WHEN I SPOKE OF THIS, MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR ME ANYMORE AND AGAIN I FELT REJECTED…AND RAN BACK TO THE ARMS OF THE WORLD AND THE GAY COMMUNITY…THIS STARTED YEARS OF PERVERSION I CAN’T EVEN GET INTO …BUT I WOULD HAVE SEX IN ADULT BOOK STORES AND MOVIE THEATERS WITH UP TO 20 DIFFERENT MEN A DAY. I WAS A PURE SEXUAL DEVIANT …MY HUNGER COULD NOT BE SATISFIED AND THE MORE VILE AND PERVERTED I GOT…MEANWHILE I HAD DECIDED TO BECOME A DRAG QUEEN…STILL FEELING LIKE A ROCK STAR, I TOOK THE IDEA OF BEING A DRAG QUEEN AND ADDED MY OWN SPIN ON IT BY MAKING IT MORE LIKE A “MARILYN MANSON” TYPE OF PERFORMER …MY NEW IDENTITY WAS NAMED “COMA”…NOT A MAN OR A WOMAN BUT A TWISTED DEMONIC CREATION …I WOULD COME ONSTAGE AT TIMES WEARING A CROWN OF THORNS WHILE VOMITING BLOOD (MOCKING THE GOD WHO SAVED ME) AND TEARING BABY DOLLS APART …I PERFORMED ONCE SIMULATING SEX WITH A CORPSE WHILE I PULLED HIS LIVER AND INTESTINES OUT AND ATE THEM ONSTAGE…I REACHED VERY HIGH SUCCESS IN THE GAY COMMUNITY AND WAS CONSIDERED A STAR IN THEIR EYES …I STARTED TO DO COCAINE AT THIS TIME AND BECAME ADDICTED TO IT BADLY …I HAD TO HAVE IT ALL THE TIME …I ENDED UP BEING ARRESTED AND TAKEN TO JAIL FOR FELONY DRUG POSSESSION… I STILL CONTINUED TO LIVE THIS LIFE …BUT GOD HAD NEVER LET GO OF ME …HIS VOICE WAS STILL THERE ..I JUST IGNORED IT.

GOD WOULD SEND CHRISTIANS ACROSS MY PATH FREQUENTLY…I WOULD EVEN ATTEND CHURCH SERVICES FROM TIME TO TIME..THE TIMES I WOULD PERFORM WEARING THE CROWN OF THORNS, AFTER WARDS, I WOULD WEEP…I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING …I KNEW THE TRUTH …BUT I CONTINUED TO BE ‘COMA’ AND LIVE IN THE WORLD..IT WAS AROUND THIS TIME, I LOST BOTH OF MY PARENTS AND WAS ALSO TOLD I WAS INFECTED WITH THE HIV VIRUS. I ENDED UP MOVING TO ATLANTA FOR A JOB AND MET SOME GREAT CHRISTIANS…I DECIDED ONE DAY TO RE-COMMIT MY LIFE TO GOD..AND WAS BAPTIZED AND ATTENDED SEVERAL GREAT CHURCH’S …BUT STILL PERFORMED AS ‘COMA’ AND DID COCAINE …ONE FOOT WITH GOD AND ONE FOOT IN THE WORLD..IT DROVE ME TO ATTEMPT SUICIDE…I LOST MY JOB…AND DECIDED TO MOVE HOME TO FLORIDA…I HAD A GREAT JOB, LOTS OF MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOME, A DOG THAT I LOVED WITH MY WHOLE HEART, AND A NEW CAR. I HAD EVERYTHING…BUT SOMETHING WAS WRONG …I HAD A BREAKDOWN …LOST THE NEW JOB…LOST MY CAR …MY HOME…MY DOG AND WITHIN A BLINK OF AN EYE I WAS HOMELESS ON THE STREETS OF TAMPA BAY…I TRIED SUICIDE 4 MORE TIMES…IN AND OUT OF PSYCH WARDS…NO WHERE TO GO…I WOULD TALK TO GOD ONCE IN AWHILE BUT I WAS SO FAR GONE…I ENDED UP IN A GROUP HOME FOR HOMELESS PEOPLE WITH HIV…BUT I FOUND OUT I WAS NO LONGER HIV POSITIVE, BUT NOW I WAS FULL BLOWN AIDS!!!