Louis Nordstrom was a Zen master and is now an instructor at Hunter College. Nevertheless, childhood abuse, neglect, and abandonment that led him into psychotherapy, through which he finally realized that,
He sought to protect himself against the trauma of further abandonment by pre-emptively abandoning himself [to Zen “selflessness”]. If he wasn’t there [as a distinct person] in the first place, he wasn’t in a position to be cast away. The Zen concept of no-self was like a powerful form of immunity. (Chip Brown, “How a Zen Mater Found the Light (Again),” New York Times Magazine, April 26, 2009, 38.)
Nordstrom came to realize that instead of engaging reality, Zen offered him one of many means of denying reality and his feelings. His “conversion” was a matter of re-discovering his rejected self, however uncomfortable this might be. In his autobiography, Nordstrom wrote:
I’ve come to a point in my life where survival requires that I reclaim my narrative by refusing any longer to dismiss experience that was profoundly painful… (38).
His conversion involved acknowledging his self-deceptions:
His new insights were mostly a matter of intellectually understanding the way he used Zen to assuage the pain of the past, hiding the pathological aspects of self-abandonment and neglect in the rapture of Zen vacancy; how he hid from his own neediness, anger and grief…(38)
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